Adequacy

 I’ve started this post a few times.  Each time I backspace and start something else out of fear.  Part of these blog posts is an exploration of myself.  Every post is a realization or lesson, and sometimes it’s not pretty.  Self-adequacy has always been a struggle.  The basis of what I do is a visual mirror of who I am.  Everything I produce as an artist is a merge of circumstance, focus and taste.  I always have a hard time separating work life and personal life.  More often than naught, it causes me to look differently at myself, normally in a negative way.

     Adequacy is a big part of creative’s life.  Validation through taste and skill is a constant battle that normally leads to an unfulfilled, self-deprived feeling.  I think it’s partly the stage of social media that feeds the need of an audience’s backing.  But, I do also believe in our own boastfulness as artists, we create our own voids to fill.  If one takes a step back to look at a creative career, it’s a little backwards.  Our goal is to make a living of portraying ourselves in whatever art we have chosen.  We want to survive by making another enjoy our vision.  Visual, Conceptual, Lyrical.  The art business is a game of tug-of-war between personal reflection and not taking things personally.  It’s pretty contradictory.

     Anyway, it’s not a revelation or something that can ever be fixed.  I think it’s impossible to make a living out of taste without taking things personally.  In a room of one-hundred people, if a single human dislikes my work, I would feel inadequate.  Some people don’t feel that way, but it’s a battle for me.