I’ve started this post a few times. Each time I backspace and start something else out of fear. Part of these blog posts is an exploration of myself. Every post is a realization or lesson, and sometimes it’s not pretty. Self-adequacy has always been a struggle. The basis of what I do is a visual mirror of who I am. Everything I produce as an artist is a merge of circumstance, focus and taste. I always have a hard time separating work life and personal life. More often than naught, it causes me to look differently at myself, normally in a negative way.
Adequacy is a big part of creative’s life. Validation through taste and skill is a constant battle that normally leads to an unfulfilled, self-deprived feeling. I think it’s partly the stage of social media that feeds the need of an audience’s backing. But, I do also believe in our own boastfulness as artists, we create our own voids to fill. If one takes a step back to look at a creative career, it’s a little backwards. Our goal is to make a living of portraying ourselves in whatever art we have chosen. We want to survive by making another enjoy our vision. Visual, Conceptual, Lyrical. The art business is a game of tug-of-war between personal reflection and not taking things personally. It’s pretty contradictory.
Anyway, it’s not a revelation or something that can ever be fixed. I think it’s impossible to make a living out of taste without taking things personally. In a room of one-hundred people, if a single human dislikes my work, I would feel inadequate. Some people don’t feel that way, but it’s a battle for me.